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Short Cummings Audio

Each week you'll be treated to a brand-new funny story. No rambling here, just my take on ordinary life.

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#122 Modern Conveniences

Date: 10/11/2008
Length: 00:07:04

The pioneers had a hard life. They had to deal with floods, fires, famines, and even the occasional wild animal. On the other hand, they didn't have to worry about "Modern Conveniences."

I spend about three hours a day dealing with the problems created by my convenient, high-tech appliances. It starts the minute I get up and put breakfast in the microwave. In the good old, pre-microwave days, I wouldn't have even dared attempt a hot breakfast. I can only make eggs two ways--black or blacker. (Black is my favorite, it matches my toast.)

The microwave seduces me, though. It says, "I know you can cook in me. Any idiot can cook with a microwave. Just open the freezer and take out a package of 'Bright and Chipper' low-cholesterol, imitation eggs with strips of real-meat bacon. Two minutes and you're done."

Even though I know better, I'm convinced that this time I'll get it right. I peel off the plastic wrap, put the cardboard tray in the microwave, press the buttons and read the headlines while I wait. The microwave beeps politely to tell me it's done. I take out the tray and discover that my food has become one with the tray. In fact, except for a couple of vaguely bacon-shaped lumps, the tray looks completely empty......

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